The word cancer, forget the medical. It's a reminder to tell you that in my case there isn't a happy ending, on a daily, hour, minute, second basis.
You live with the idea off...
I won't have children.
I won't reach the age of 30.
I won't travel the world.
I won't see my niece, nephews grow up to be old and take them all to Glastonbury when they're 18. I have fell in love with a girl that has to go through the pain of watching me cry, get angry which makes you unintentionally push her away so you don't want to cause harm to her even though she is literally my rock. I love you Naomi.
The bucket list doesn't exist, holidays to disney land are dreams of Hollywood movies and TV.
So I ask you, what is the point? No actually, let me ask you instead why suffer for 16 months, why go through the pain and drag close family and friends through it... I'm sure you have a reply, and a very good one as well.
But I'm afraid, your reply might be the best, or make me uplifting and great for a day or two, but I still have to wake up knowing that all the above hasn't changed for one single second and thats fact till a miracle happens.
One thing I can take from this is I get to see all my friends and family, you're the ones keeping me going if not alive. Every one has been incredible to me, I just want to say thank you.
Now back to the medical side;
Bloods are good
Swelling has gone down, but I won't know anything further till I have my CT scan and final bloods at the end of May, so my next update will follow then.
Down to 11ish stone due to catching flu, lowest I've even been, need to put on weight otherwise will need a permanent feeding tube down my nose and throat which isn't nice.
"Stay positive" x
