Be right back

It’s been difficult year, a not very good year and unfortunately I’m not in any of a better situation. Originally being told 1-2 years and now 4 to 6 weeks. It really makes you sit and think, of course it does. It isn’t human, it not sane for us to hear language used like this, we’re humans we don’t talk about death, we embrace life, constantly learning.

I have come to terms with the facts of the liver failing slowly, the bleed on my bran and fluid. I’ve accepted my outcome, this doesn’t mean I want it, or think single mindedly this is how it’s meant to be. You never know I could be a very lucky son of a gun and have the cure could and hopefully be around the corner but till then, it’s the present which matters the most, not forgetting of course the future. Don’t worry all my fingers and toes are definitely crossed, STAY POSITIVE. Presently though I need to have priorities and that’s with my family, the very little energy I do have needs to be focused on them. I’ve always tried not to let anyone down and come across as honest (sometimes a little too honest), trustworthy and reliable person but its taking all my energy out of me. I want to spend the day with you, and hear everything you’ve got to say, you have a problem, I want to make It better, but this is a message to say sorry, I can’t anymore which kills me off more than the cancer.

I’m asking you, and please don’t be offended just to give me some space over the next month. I need the emptiness to, I don’t know, sign off my own bucket list mentally… maybe? If that’s spending special moments with my family than that’s it. I was always worried about writing this because you end up sounding like ungrateful toss pot. You, yes you have made the last couple of months easier, you’ve made me smile in dark times, you made me cry with happiness rather than tears of sadness. You made me forget about being ill most importantly.

But, now all I want is the normality of waking up and making it through the next 12 hours pain free which even now is more a challenge then it ever was.

So I’m sorry If I don’t get back to you Facebook, via text or phone call, or meet you in the pub next week but I simply haven’t got the energy anymore, physically or mentally. I’ll try!

I hope you understand.

Medical update, I had to have 4 units, full body worth of blood transfusion to get me back on track last weekend. Wasn’t the best, clinic is booked in for mid-December to arrange an action plan or palliative care, who knows?

Thank to everyone who’s been involved/attended mini festival & the wedding, it was perfect. You me made so happy, so much positive energy. I love you for it.

If there any major medical news I’ll update the blog, otherwise for now I’m signing off.

Peace out, yours, Glaba.

Well this is a bit of a headache

Had banging headaches this week so got called into Christies for emergency scan on the brain only to bloody find cancer has now spread to my brain (yes, i have one), so the three options are...

1) Chop it out... no way, too many complications so this isn't happening.

2) Radiotherapy or Chemotherapy - need to weigh up my options in terms and pro's and con's. I will be speaking to my consultant this week.

3) Ride the storm and see what happens, either going to die of liver failure or seizure... both painless which to be honest at this moment in time seems like the option of choice however nothing is set in concrete.

I did get asked the questions would I be like to resuscitated  if I did go, which I answered no, however had a conversation with some of my incredible mates which turned me round to say yes. You know who you are and I love you to bits.

So, waiting on further results, i'll keep you posted. As for now I'm off on my fake stag do in York, wish me luck.

Oh and the life expectancy is around 6 to 8 weeks apparently...

Glaba x 

Can I borrow £20 quid mate? I'll pay you back in 3/4 months, promise.

Not sure where really to start. You always got told in school you need a start, middle and end. I'm going to break the rules and skip to the end.

This chemotherapy has knocked me for six. Bed bound for a couple of days. They sent me home with white blood cell boosters to fight it a little the chemo side effects, however they only really gave me major side effect such growing pains and achy joints, so that one sort of back fired.

I'm now bald, lost my hair and lucky not my eyebrows -  that would be like Alan Partridge losing Lynn - never going to happen. Yes it true, you lose you pubes first which has lead my mum telling me  was a tramp and should rinse the bath out after I used it, it got that bad.

I quite often get fevers, temperature all over the place which is highly critical on chemo - just need to monitor my temperature all the time really.

I struggle even more walking distances, so UBER is now my new best friend.

So, now latest visit to Christies today didn't go so well. I think the best way to explain this is in a list;

1) Bloods are fine, neither here or there - they generally can't tell to much

2) Due to my 'quality of life' being poor, the consultant has suggest to take a two week break from all chemo.

3) Once completed my 2 week break go back for a CT Scan

4) Finish the last course of this chemo, so would be a totally of 3/3 I've done then

5) Wait for results from the CT Scan... now just go with me on this... it would be a miracle that the cancer gets any better. 

A MIRACLE. an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.

5) Then we go onto three options available to me, ONE another type of chemo, again very brutal or TWO trial drug which COULD be a placebo due to the stage it is at in clinical trials. THREE - stop chemo and not suffer with a poor quality of life anymore.

Which ever route 1,2 or 3.... will only extend my life 3 months + the length of chemo. I need to have  think first; this quality of life is pretty poor/shit and I'm currently thinking of no longer doing the chemo.

So yes, my predicted life time now is 3-4 months left in me.

Shit news I know but you can look at this two ways, fucking crack on, meet and see all of you as much as I can or sit in my bed act all depressed and do nothing with what I have left.

So come on, lets go for a beer. I'll get you back in 5 months I promise....

P.S Please don't cry if you see me, it sets me off.

Always available for a hug.

Yours,

Glaba

 

Its back!

Cancer is back... pretty badly in my liver, which is the worse place it can be. Very damaging apparently, pretty fucked in all honestly.

The answers to your obvious questions... No, I don't have a time limit off the consultant, no one knows. I don't know if it's curable. I quote from my consultant "we're now chancing it on luck". They can't get definite answers which is understandable because it's a rare form of cancer.

I start a brand new chemo for the next 9 weeks, which is followed by a huge list of side effects. Once this is completed I'll have another scan and update for you then.

I've got bleeding on the stomach again and very little energy, so just bare with me.

Quick update

Over 6,000+ this blog has been read, mental.

Anyway, keep suddenly having seizures, don't really know why so going for MRI scan this week.

Still thought, Cancer NIL - Glaba 1.... well up to now.

Yours truly,
Blogging wanker

Not going just yet

Finally got hold of my consultant and sat down with him.

I'll keep it simple, basically I've been told that I'm in remission (in control) of my tumour. It hasn't disappeared from my lungs, liver or kidneys however it's a microscopic size which is controllable in a sense, so there is no need for chemo just regular 3 weekly maintenance drugs which is followed by a CT scan every 3 months just to keep an eye on it. As the doctor put, so called 16 months has now been reset, so it could be 3, 4, 20, even 30 years.

I do still have a huge tumour in my stomach which they can't remove and unfortunately it will be the death of me one day, or could come back aggressively.

But I'm not planning on going anywhere soon, I now intend to get back to reaching 30 and taking my nieces and nephews to Glastonbury when they're 18 years old.

It's been a bit mental this whole journey and it would of never got to this point without YOU, my friends, my family and Naomi.

All YOUR positivity has kept me alive...

So thank you.
Yours truly,
Blogging wanker, aka Glaba

If you're affected by cancer, check out www.macmillan.org.uk or www.onefortheboys.com

Results!

Finally had the big old CT results yesterday. After waiting nearly 4 hours for a 5-minute window with wasn’t my consultant. This doctor I had never met before handed me a piece of paper full of medical jargon which seem a little unrelated to what I was originally told, it basically missed off my kidneys and was very vague. It also stated that my lungs had suddenly no spread of cancer in either of them after being told by separate doctor in Wythenshawe that they were riddled after going into A&E a while back.

They did have positive news about my liver function, saying it had reduced but still present.

To be honest, the 5 minutes with this consultant did go some what well but I felt a little confused afterwards. I felt let down by the details they told me and I’m probably going to go back for a second opinion or look into going private if I can’t.

I don’t want to confuse anyone with the news I put out, this cancer I will never be able to get rid off. It more of a matter of controlling it and making my life as comfortable as possible. I plan to go back to work eventually which is a positive.

Just taking each day as it comes for now though. If you’ve got question, I’m happy to answer but please don’t bombard me!

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to my family and friends recently, everyone has been super positive and massively helps, so again, thank you.